We are halfway through Nora and Braden's first week of public school and today was Harper's second day of Pre-K!
Believe it or not everyone has gotten along really well. Yesterday morning was pretty dramatic for Braden. He threw a fit from the time he woke up until we actually walked him into school. I could hear the waves of anxiety coming over him and it was heartbreaking. Although at the end of the day, he ran out and jumped in my arms exclaiming, "I did it again, mom! I had a great day!" This morning he was up and dressed by 6:45 am and waited with his shoes on until it was time to leave the house. He did great until we actually got to the school at which time he had a major breakdown. He cried alot, pulled at my arms, and with Mabel on my hip I had to turn and walk away. It was hard but honestly, I am so proud of him. He's so brave.
Nora has done great. We pull up to her school and she jumps right out. She has mentioned that other kids have been picking on her a little bit, which is somewhat normal but my kids just haven't been exposed to the kind of things that they are now going to be. It makes me so sad because truly they are so innocent and child-like still. I hate to know that it will all be tainted, even if just a little.
I can't help in the hard moments to still feel a lot of resentment and hurt. After all, I have to wake Mabel up every day to take the kids to school, and I have to do all of the work that leads up to getting them there. She's crying, Braden's crying, there are kittens to be fed and an obsessive little girl who just has to do that, clothes that we fight about, lunches to be packed and ultimately a couple kids who have been forced to be incredibly brave in the middle of a group of circumstances that led us here-a choice I may not have made otherwise. But we are here and I'm embracing all of the new changes in our lives. I'm trying not to be upset or bitter but it is aggravating knowing that one parent got to literally walk away, wipe the slate clean and I'm left here to maintain some sort of normal life for our children. It's heartbreaking,
However, all of that aside I am really proud of all of us. I see my children and the resilience that they have and I'm in awe. They are capable of so much. I hope that I can continue to foster those capabilities and encourage them in their ventures. Nora told her brother today that they have to go to school if they want to grow up and be veterinarians or police officers. All summer I have tried to prepare them for what these school days may look like and now I feel really good about that.
I have been asked quite a bit what my days will look like now that I don't have the bigger kids at home with me full time. To be honest, my days aren't restful. There is a lot of walking and carrying of Mabel. There are normal chores. And hopefully there will be some time for writing, at some point.
We are making it through some changes that I never expected to be making it through and I feel really good about that. And although I am thankful for the time alone with Mabel-time that I will surely treasure, I am also really glad to see the clock move closer to pick-up time to bring the big kids home to be with us as well.
School days are in full swing. Here's hoping we can continue through them easily.