Saturday, September 22, 2012

first day of [autumn]

Happy first day of fall!
I live for this day and let me assure you that if ever I doubted in a God, today would change my mind.  It is a crisp, perfect 64 degrees here in small town, Illinois and the windows are open wide.  The air is not muggy or heavy as it has been in the weeks past.  In fact, it is so chill that the first thing I did when my feet hit the floor this morning was cover them with socks.  

The next thing I did was rush Nora to the bathroom so she could barf.  

Coffee was calling and so was Braden for his frosted flakes.  Mabel woke shortly after and I felt like all I had done for the past 10 hours was hear her cry.  Oh wait.  I did.

Today is grocery store day. Nothing grand but we all know that this causes an intense zombie-like anxiety for me.  I assume that it will be especially intense today after hearing the little girl in the movie store last night tell her mommy that "there was a little girl named Mabel who only has 5 days left to be with her family because she's going to die."

I wanted to bend down and assure her that it wasn't so.  That it wasn't true.  That I was Mabel's mom and she didn't need to worry about that little girl.  But I couldn't.  I couldn't even find the words to tell the cashier my phone number when it was time to check out.  For the first time in a long time I felt like I had been sucker punched.  And all because a little girl knows about Mabel but no one is telling her what she needs to know.  I hate that she may be worrying.
I hate that what she says can't be comforted wholly.  

Tonight we are kicking off fall with a small fire, hot dogs and s'mores.  
Daniel will meet Rachel's new 'friend' and we will enjoy their company.  Just as we have been longing for and preparing our homes for this season of autumn, God has been preparing my girl's heart for redemption and renewing.  He has been preparing her for confidence and new love.  I'm not sure what He has in store but I feel like some really big changes are coming.  

Change is hard yet needed.  

Last night I visited Ashley at the hospital.  She has a new baby, Weston Ray, and I adore him already.  His big [not so big] brother, Shawn, adores him too.  
This morning, Ashley's grandpa passed away.

Life is so beautiful and so mean.

Today I feel a slight swelling in my throat.  It's been there since I woke up and remains even now.  It's the kind that says, "you might cry for no good reason at any minute."  It's kind of like puking in that I wish I could just get it over with.  

On with the day.  
Happy fall!

1 comment:

Amy said...

Ramee!! First of all I am UBER UBER excited about Rachel!!!!! Please tell her how happy I am for. She deserves happiness!!!!
I hope you & Nora are feeling better soon & I hope the boys and Mabel do not get any illness. I will add that to my prayers for you & your family today.
You are an amazing strong woman. At least that little girl in the video store knows mabel's story is showing her heart in an honest way. I will pray for your community that they too can hear the truth about Batten's & Mabel. Batten's does not define who Mabel is. She is a beautiful gift from God who is here to teach us what love is really about.