Tuesday, July 10, 2012

reflecting. [birthday countdown.]

 In less than one week our baby is turning 2 years old.  
I almost can't believe I'm typing that and yet strangely enough, sometimes it feels like she's always been here.  This has been the longest, hardest, most amazing 2 years of my entire life-hands down.
 The ride of life is extravagant.  The ups and downs, pushes and pulls.  They are a perfect roundup of our every intention and every single realistic moment.  The twists and turns define exactly who we are and what we will do with this one beautiful gift we have been given.

In our case, we have been given so many gifts I can't even understand it all.  I can't wrap my mind around how I get to wake up and live this crazy dance every day, knowing that it is a gift.  
It's a gift.

2 years ago when Mabel was born, Daniel and I had no idea what the future held.  What we knew was that God held us tightly and that we loved one another.  We could have never dreamed up the kind of walk that we have encountered during these 24 months or the kind of strength that we would build.  There was no way in knowing that we would learn to love research, and trust medicine.  We would never have believed that we would learn to love each other in whole new ways either.  We probably went in to that delivery room expecting to be there yet again a couple years later, welcoming yet another redheaded baby.  But we didn't get a redheaded baby 2 years ago.  And we will not be in another delivery room having a new child ever again.
Instead 2 years ago, we got a big eyed, brown haired, quiet, tired, beautiful baby girl who has turned or world upside down.
And she is absolutely more than enough.
...In all the greatest ways.

As I'm reflecting this week on a birthday that is quickly approaching, I can't help but feel all the overwhelming emotions that I knew would surface soon.  Thinking back on this journey is, to say the least, difficult.  It is a remarkable, intricate, detailed story about love, hope, courage, fear, triumph, disappointment, marriage, and life.  This story that has been written by the pen of God is incredible and to think that He is writing it just for me has me humbled beyond words.

Someday soon, I will write it out too.  All of it.
Every detail that I have left out from this blog, every tidbit that has never been shared.
Someday I will write out the good, bad and horrific things that have transpired during these 2 years.
I hope when that day comes that you will be as supportive as you have always been and read what our God has done in a time that, to some, seems like He walked away.

I can assure you that the exact opposite is true.
He wrote it, He designed it.  He planned it.
It's His.

And I will do my best to bring glory to that as I reflect on a time when I grew closer to my God than I ever knew I could or wanted to be.
The most intimate friendship I have ever known was born in the depths of fear, heartache and desperation.  And yet when I stood from that dark place I felt myself, like out of a yoga pose, come flexibly to standing again.  I felt loosed, free and renewed.
Out of the pit.  Into life.
Such the sweetest life.  
Not one day goes by that I take this for granted-raising these kids and taking care of Mabel.
I cherish it.
It's hard.  I cry, I scream, I run.  
But I don't take it lightly.  This is what I was created for; my grand purpose and I know that.
What she was created for? 
Something so so so much more.

We are finalizing alot of little details before this year's 5k race.  It's just weeks away!  This year we plan for it to be bigger and even better than last.  We are hopeful that the money we raise will be used in ways that are more personal to many of you who have supported our family and who have risen up to support those we have grown to love in the rare disease community.  
If you'd like to be involved, please get in contact with me.  There's plenty you can do to help!!!
Also, I have decided to start taking outdoor photos again.  Opening the studio was wonderful for a season but it's not something that I want to get back into anytime soon.  However, after shooting a gorgeous wedding this weekend I realized that I really do miss doing it.
So, book a session this summer!  Let's spend some time together?!

1 comment:

Anjie Orlowski said...

Starting at $40? That's almost worth the plane ticket out there!! If you're ever near my part of the country (or vice versa) I'd *love* to have some genuine portraits by Ramee done of my kids.