Wednesday, May 30, 2012

computer=fixed.

The last few days have been some of the best. 
 We have slept late and stayed up later, watered flowers, taken long walks, grilled out, enjoyed our friends, played in the water, sat in the shade, visited the beach, camped out, and have eaten enough smores and ice cream to last us all summer--
And to think it has only just begun.
 Mabel hasn't eaten by mouth in about a week because of her sinus infection and because I've been giving her every ounce in her g-tube I feel like we have accomplished so much nutritionally.  There has been no puking and I'm hoping that we'll some weight gain during this time.  I know I've said it but I will never regret getting a g-tube for our girl.  It has saved her life!
 I'm starting to find that summer with Mabel will prove to be difficult.  And although it makes me extremely guilty to feel this way, sometimes I just want to pack up my healthy kids and enjoy a stress-free day in the sun.  That isn't a reality for me and so we're learning how to manage it all.  For now, even Mabel seems to enjoy the light water sprays at the park.
 In our most recent outings I have noticed how much more comfortable this life has become for me. Now it isn't scary or foreign--it almost feels like all I have ever known.  Feeding my kid through a tube in her tummy in the middle of the park?  No biggie.  Straightening out her crooked fingers or curled-up wrists at a restaurant?  Normal.
Even Daniel said he has noticed how I went from apprehensive to confident in just a short amount of time.  It's our life now.  It all feels so usual. 

I also notice how things that used to bother me are less likely to affect me this year.  All the other 2 year olds splashing and running through the water around me were the last thing on my mind as I held my girl and giggled while she giggled at the feeling of water to her cheeks.  She consumes me and age, although important to most, is just a term in my mind.  She is just Mabel.
No age necessary.
Part of acceptance?  Maybe.  Part of living life fully--most definitely.

Do you know what is really fun at sunset?
Cooking hot dogs over a tiny fire in your backyard with your grandpa.

 Do you know what else is really fun?  Enjoying a private beach for an entire day with just you and your friends.  Frisby, books, floppy hats and sand castles are a must.


 Oh, and shade. 
Shade is a must too-especially for a little girl who can't regulate her own temperature.
She gets oh so hot.
Lucky for us, our private beach came equipped with shade-providing picnic tables.
Score.
 For a week Nora has been begging me to let her bring home a redheaded kittens from Nanny's farm. She is one of 8 kittens, all who were weaned from their mommy and ran off into the wild.
Except her-"fuzzy."
I stuck to my guns and I said a firm NO each time she asked.
"Daddy is allergic to cats, baby...there's just no way he will let us have her."

...And then daddy sees Nora with her and before I know it...
He said yes without skipping a beat and since we brought fuzzy home last night, I have only seen my oldest girl for a few minutes today.  She is in love.

These two, on the other hand, I have seen far too much.  Between the two of them I'm not sure how I'll survive these summer days.
But somehow I know I will.

Crazy.  Loud.  Wild.  Sun kissed.
Music.  Kisses.  Movies.  Books.
Flowers.  Lighting bugs.  Pasta Salad.

This may just be the best summer of my life.

3 comments:

Mavis Cruet said...

This post really made me smile. I'm struggling with my boy at the moment and reading your post gave me some renewed hope that we will get to that 'comfortable' place soon.

Ashleigh said...

I can't wait to enjoy Illinois summers. It's just not the same without family and green grass.

I LOVE the picture of you and your sister in your cute hats!

Kristi said...

and if you have a good pasta salad recipe..... Love Nora's sweet kitten - too cute!