How many of us have said it?
I want to serve God, but...
That was me today. Just thinking out loud and blatantly saying that I want to serve God, Honor Him, bring glory to His name, but not at the expense of my child. Not at the expense of my family, my marriage, my home. Why must it come at such a cost, Lord? Why must serving you and bringing glory to you be so difficult and trying?
And then, I was reminded by a sweet and beautiful voice of reason who just happened to be sitting across from me: Because we serve a jealous God.
And He is saying that it may come at a high price. It may cost alot. It may be at the expense of my child's life or quality of that life. It may come at the cost of all that I once envisioned. But no matter how it comes about, He will find a way to bring glory to Himself.
And that is what I have always wanted.
It's just that when I used to read about our Lord being a jealous God, or a selfish God I thought alot like many of you are probably thinking in your walk...
"He's jealous for my time. Reading my Bible, attending church, witnessing. He's jealous of my time with Him and will grab my attention somehow. He'll convict me for my time."
[please imagine me saying most of the above quote in a somewhat sarcastic manner. It's only appropriate for the magnitude of what I'm about to say.]
I'm here to tell you something dramatic and life changing. Something that I'm having to learn the hard way and want to share with you in hopes that you won't have to experience the same.
The Lord is jealous of your LIFE, dummy.
The faithfulness of the above mentioned things matter to Him but they only pale in comparison to the every day of who you are. The ins and outs of what you have to offer our God.
He isn't jealous of Bible reading time. He is jealous for all day, every day, turn-to-me-in-the-darkest-hour time. He is jealous for wake ups and good nights and everything in between.
Our God has a plan set in place for your life already. It was in motion long ago. It matters very little to Him the plan that you have made for yourself. In fact, maybe that plan has become part of your idol and the Lord has much to say about that. Maybe the plan you made was all part of your friend, Control's perfect outcome. God isn't a fan of your friend Control.
He's a fan of Himself. God. Holy One. Only One.
So get a clue.
Forget trying to please God in the middle of a routine or a plan. Try living for Him always. Try seeking Him desperately. Try loving Him wholly. Try reaching out for Him only.
Try letting go and letting yourself be jealous for Him as much as He is for you.
Because it's alot.
It's so much that He will change EVERYTHING if He has to just to reach your nasty, broken, messed up heart.
And I know from experience.
He will change EVERYTHING and it will be a beautiful, chaotic, tragic symphony of perfect jealousy between you and the living God. A God who will use anything to turn your heart into that which pleases Him.
Something incredible happens when you give up yourself and allow the Lord to be selfish for you. Suddenly you see things much different. Suddenly you are on the outside of a giant bubble that encompasses everyone and every thing else.
I have had a couple of you make it known to me that you are questioning God because of all that is happening with Mabel. I want to reassure you that I have never-not ever doubted our God in this journey. Questioned His purpose? Wondered about His plan? Yes.
But what's beautiful about it is that He will use ANYTHING to be caught up in a dialogue with you.
Has Mabel and the questions you have about her led you into conversation with God?
If so, then His purpose may be fulfilled in you and that is ok with me. In fact, it's brilliant.
I just want you to be clear that He isn't wanting to draw you away from Himself but the fact that you would speak to Him, wonder what He's up to, and think about it is a beautiful and powerful thing.
If we begin to recognize the Lord as the selfish God that He is--in all of his masculinity and strength, we will soon have a different perception of this King who adores us.
He is [righteously so] Jealous for your Spirit.
He is oh so jealous for your Life.
Give in and give it to Him.
Surrender your life and allow Him to work in the depths and crevices that you didn't even know needed filling. Because He will. He will fill them so completely full of Himself.
They will be overflowing with God.
The beauty in the surrender is all that follows....
No matter how saturated and heavy it feels--it is the most beautiful type of full you can experience.
Fill up today, friends, and breathe Him in.
He loves you. He is jealous for you.
He is near.