One of the most important lessons I have learned this year is this:
"When we are faithless, He is faithful." 2 Tim. 2:13
The best way I can explain it is that when you are in the pit, thinking some of the most frightful and awful thoughts you can...when you are drowning in grief and sorrow and the unknown--all you need to know is that HE is there in the pit with you. He is surrounding you. He is plowing through the pain with you. When you don't have the energy to pray, breathe or even move--you need to know that He is faithful and it is ok.
Before now I thought that I knew what grace was. It was this amazing pass that God gave me when I missed church on Sunday or didn't read my Bible for a day or two. But this year, Grace has blown me away with it's truth. Grace is so much more than these things. God is so much more than these things. They are important. They can be crucial.
But God is much more.
He cares much less about your weekly attendance [at church] than about your daily dependence [on Him.] This is a very personal thing for each of us but grace is not. And I never want anyone to have to go through what I have this year to learn about the truth buried in grace. I never want anyone to experience this kind of fear or heartache.
But I know one thing for certain: I HAD TO.
It was the only way for this heart of mine to be broken the way it has been and for this woman to learn about a real God who is faithful when I don't have the strength to be...
It's been really hard for me to go out alone this year. Going into the grocery store causes me some anxiety, wondering whose going to stop and ask me about Mabel. Riding in the car alone is good. It's a good time to worship and talk to God. But I almost always cry and feel very overwhelmed with the quiet. Last week I sat in the parking lot of the store and heard this song for the first time. I sobbed with such a deep relief. This song says it all for me. Every bit of how I feel is captured in the words of this song. I know that I can ask the Lord to hold onto me and He will. And I envision Him physically pulling me through when I don't have the strength to go on my own...