Monday, November 21, 2011

I've been writing Mabels story for Signposts.  The first part is up and has already had more facebook shares than they've had before.  I want the name of Jesus to be heard and I believe it is, through our little girl. 
 It's been hard, going back and thinking about the year we have had with Mabel.  I kept the story pretty vague because I will get lost in the details and relive some very painful [yet powerful] moments of this journey.  Some of those memories are tucked away tightly in a very safe place.  I am not sure that I want to unlock them for the world to hear quite yet, or maybe ever. 
 Pastor Dan preached a message about the value of human life during his sermon yesterday morning.  It shakes me to know that many women, if given the chance to test for certain ailments in their baby, would abort them based on disability alone.  It haunts me to think that if there was a specific test for Mabel's disabilities, many mothers would give up the chance at so many precious days with a child like this because the idea of this life seems too difficult. 
Do you know that it's all worth it?  Every bit of pain, struggle, sadness and unknown struggle has been worth it.  And I'm aware that it may get easier or it may become more of a challenge, but it is worth it.   
 Nora told Santa about her baby sister, Mabel, who has a 'tube in her tummy,' and that wonderful santa assured her that he was bringing her sister Mabel presents as well.  Nora is thinking alot lately about Mabel, I can tell.  Out of nowhere she told me that "Mabel can't see.  Mabel's can't walk.  Mabel can't eat," and then she asked, "so does that mean Mabel is handicapped?" 
I answered with some truth about how handicapped simply means that it is harder for a person to do the things that we can do easily.  So, yes, in a sense Mabel is handicapped. 
It's hard having to explain this to someone so little yet I know that God has prepared my heart and is sharpening my words for little moments like these with my girls.
Every day something is said or done that is painful.  It still hasn't gone away and I'm not sure that it will.  But I am getting stronger.  It stings but it is much less difficult to cushion the blow when it does come.  When people say things that they don't know are upsetting, I'm able to look over it and practice grace with them.  When Mabel does something frightening and unexpected, I'm able to react out of impulse and follow my gut.  It's not getting easier, but I am getting stronger.
I'm thankful for a God who equipps.
I know He has made me for this and I am grateful.  I will do everything I can to learn what I'm supposed to during this time  of uncertainty because I realize that we arent the only family who is living in it.  In a sense, we all are.  It's just not as obvious to some as it is to others...

3 days til Turkey! 
What are your traditions?

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