Thursday, September 22, 2011

The reason I love being a...

Writer:  Because it's the one thing that I do that helps define who I am.  It's all I have ever wanted to be.  It's all I ever want to do.  I want to write.  Write.  Write. 
I have the most liberty, the most excitement and the most ease while I'm writing and allowing myself to feel pen to paper or fingers to keys.  It's an expression of myself that is so raw and true. 
 Advocate:  Because no one else will do it and I'm good at it.  Oh and because I love justice.  This week I have come to realize that whether our daughter has mitochondrial disease or not is no longer a real issue with me.  It's the injustice I feel when I talk about it that sparks something inside of me to do better for her.  What kind of world are we still living in when there is a disease that is as common as childhood cancer but extremely under funded and never talked about?  In fact...most people have never heard of it.  It's something that I will fight for regardless if it's Mabel's diagnosis or not.
 Mother:  Because this is the one thing that I was created to be.  Not do.  But be.  I am a mother through and through.  To the core of who I am, I always felt the burning desire to mother.  For a very long time it was not my own children but now that it is, I embrace this role fully.  I fail at it alot.  Like every day multiple times a day.  However, I succeed alot too.  When I hear their prayers or their kind words.  When I watch my boy give candy to a girl because he's a 'gentleman.'  I know that God handed me this beautiful gift and I treasure it. 
I yell and scream and then yell some more--but I do so with the most intense passion of anyone around.
Sister:  Because my role as a sister is incredibly important.  Jeni & Jake are my connections to this world and where I came from.  I adore them and I want to protect them.  I hope they always know how much I would give to make sure they're ok.  Being a sister has been and will always be one of the most important gifts I could have ever been given.  I am thankful every single day to be a sister.
 Friend:  Because being a friend means giving and taking.  Being a friend means sticking it out in the good times and bad.  It doesn't mean that I do all the work.  It doesn't mean that when life throws you a curve ball and you don't know how to react, I back away and get angry.  It means that I look you in the eye and stick it out with you.  I am there for you.  Because more than likely, life will throw me a curve ball too and I will need your support as well.  Someday.  Or at the same time.  Either way, I love being a friend because it is the most selfless role that I am in.  It stretches me and challenges me.
I love being a friend because I have so many--all who are different and all who touch my heart in such unique ways.  When I look around the room at the friendships I have, often I realize that it is a melting pot of people.  It makes me proud that I have established such amazing relationships and will continue to do so always--because it's always worth having more friends.
 Wife:  Because I feel fulfilled doing so.  Being a wife is challenging.  It isn't always rewarding.  It doesn't always feel fair.  It is hard and sacrificial and frustrating at times.  But I know that in my darkest hour I can look beside me and see someone that cares enough about me and our life to just be near.  I know that at the end of it all, I can look at this man and say that we tried our best and believe we will be rewarded for it.  I loved the idea of being a wife for so long and as I've grown I now love the comfort of this role.  I have learned that this is the one thing that will always require a little extra effort and I'm ok with that. 
Daughter:  Because this is an unconditional role.  I never have to be good enough.  I never have to do more.  I can just be me.  I love being a daughter because when all else fails I can run into the arms of my mom [or dad] and they will love me still. 
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I wear many hats at many different times.  I have always been good at many things and enjoyed being different things to different people.  I pray that as I grow and change in this journey that I'm on, I will maintain being myself, above everything else.  And I know...
everything else will just follow.

1 comment:

Caroline Collie said...

Hello, new friend! (Forgive me I have poked around but haven't found your name yet!) I just found your site (thanks to a link on BlogHer) and am so glad that I did. I am the website manager for a site called Signposts Ministries (http://signpostsministries.org) and I would love to email you to share a bit with you about our vision for ministering to families with children with special needs or chronic health problems. I feel like it is something you might be interested in. If so, would you email me (cedcollie {at} gmail {dot} com) so that I can write you to properly introduce myself? Thanks so much, and may the Lord walk with you (and you with Him!) every step of the way as this journey continues!