Once again, blogger isn't letting me upload any photos. And that makes me mad. You know what else makes me mad today? The fact that it is 11 pm and the kids are all still awake. I haven't felt good all day and I just can't seem to catch a break from their eyes or voices. They are screaming. They are fighting. They are yelling, spitting, hitting. Oh my my my.
Today did bring some good sprinkled in with the bad. First of all, I got a call from Dr. K's office about Mabel. I love that they call just to check on her. I know we are right where God placed us with a great team of Dr's and nurses who really care. Most Dr's would put your kid's chart away and not take another look until their next appointment-but that is not how this experience has been for us. Dr. K's nurse called to touch base about Mabel and to let me know that they will be running a few more genetic tests before we go to Chicago next month. I didn't realize how nice it had been to not have to really think or worry about testing for awhile. But I am so glad that they are on the ball and are determined to help us figure out what is going on with Mabel.
Speaking of Mabel--she got to swing at the park tonight for the first time! A couple of weeks ago I had a major breakdown at the thought of summer because in my mind, I had envisioned it all differently. I cried to Daniel and Rachel saying that 'I won't even be able to push her in a swing...' But tonight, we did it. We put her and Harper back to back and they did great! Mabel even kicked her feet and acted excited. I know I sure was!
Braden and Nora have been insane the last couple of days. I know it's nothing out of the ordinary but some days it is over the TOP. They lose their minds at the same time and everything falls apart. It just so happened that it was tonight in Pizza Hut. But without giving the details I'm sure you can picture a 4 year old wearing a princess tiara and a red headed boy sticking his tongue out and yelling/bouncing/moving/crying non stop. Oh and throw in Mabel who for the first time ever, wouldn't stop making noise of some sort and Harper climbing out of her high chair as always.
But that all followed a day of pooping in diapers (Braden), cleaning up numerous piles of dog pee (who knew that Heidi STILL wasn't potty trained...) and listening to Nora cry about how she misses Maggie (Nanny's new puppy). I'm exhausted and frustrated and yet it's 11:12 and Mabel is still flopping her legs and yelling beside me. She smiles up at me and although she is stunning and I adore her, she acts as if she knows how tired I must be--but doesnt care in the least.
In it all, I am thankful for the chaos but am even more thankful for the quiet moments when all is still and I can reflect on the beauty of these moments and days. I know how fast they will all slip away and so I try hard to focus on just enjoying them, although it's a challenge everyday.
I just stopped typing to kiss woo's feet and she giggled abruptly a deep yet delicate little laugh. I remember that even when I feel as if I'm losing it; the focus and the drive to be an amazing mother--these kids depend on me. This family needs me to pull through and take a deep breath. And that's what I do. Sometimes after a bit of yelling, stomping, screaming or crying...but eventually I breathe, apologize and we all move on to the next chaotic moment that defines life in our home.
It is what it is--it always has been and always will be.