I've been running off and on all winter, each time blasting music and drowning out the noise around me. Or inside of me.
Yesterday as Shawn McDonald sang to me about the King and His love for us, I pondered so many things. Quietly and intentionally.
First I thought, "I feel physically strong again."
And that is a good feeling.
Physical strength has always represented so much in my life. I have felt the clearest, loved the deepest and experienced the most when I have been physically in tune with my body and it's capability to carry me.
I love running. Pounding the pavement; just me and God.
It's a powerful tool in self healing and learning to trust in a God who is great. Running in the open and especially in the cold, leaves no room for missing His greatness. The view is vast and His love is wide. It's remarkable how serene a 3 mile run can be.
Next I thought about some of my past judgements. For instance, I used to hate when someone would say "why me, God?"
And yesterday I realized that it's easy to judge them when I had never really been put in a position to have to ask that same question.
And it hit me that although I don't want to think it. I have.
And He answered, of course.
'Why not, Ramee?'
'After all, don't you always make it known that you're more than capable? Don't you claim to have the strength? Why not you? I chose you.'
And I kept running. Listening. Praying. Sobbing.
As I ran I felt peace. The kind that is present and powerful. The kind you just can't understand. The kind I wanted to bottle up so that I could open it up and use it again later when the fear creeps in.
Because in the journey, the enemy tries to creep in.
Sometimes, if we allow him to do so, he will settle there. The fear escalates and the devourer accomplishes his purpose in us.
Other times, however, when we recognize fear, we can stand firm on our foundation, rise up with a willing determination and allow the Father to sweep in our heart, the home of this physical structure.
So that is the choice that I have made.
To run. and run. and run.
Fight the good fight of faith and never give up.
Accept that the Lord chose me for a purpose and carry it out.
Bring him glory.
Rise up and do it all again if He asks.
And saturate myself in peace. The kind only He can give.
As I run, everything else will stand still.
It will all be still, as I run.
And run. And run.