Friday, January 21, 2011


As I am preparing our home for the love day, I feel my heart beating out a familiar rhythm. I feel the desire to surround my children with love and intent. I feel the desire to love my husband passionately and with desire.

I feel the desire.
But in the midst of my day is a boy child whose mouth overwhelms my spirit. His body is uncontrolled. He is unaware of his own strength. He is strong, vocal and obnoxious. His breathing is loud and aggressive.
It is a tough morning almost every day.
Most of the time I feel as if I'm just 'getting through it,' which is exactly how I never wanted to parent.

Mabel Woo Woo swings in her swing letting out delicate sounds of harmony. She is my calm in the storm. I can look at her and feel my spirit grow peaceful. She is the gift that keeps on giving in my heart. She is a beautiful reminder of God in all of His infinite knowledge and power. He's doing a mighty work through Mabel and in me.
He will be glorified powerfully in this little girl.

Nora sleeps with me every night. I sometimes wonder if I will ever have a free minute to just breathe without the breath of one of my children slithering across my body. I embrace her little hand as she cuddles in tightly next to me and I thank God for her life and her unique voice. She is concerned, vigilant and full of knowledge. For a little girl, she sure thinks alot.

They are all demanding in such different ways. They believe that when they ask, they should receive RIGHT that second. Such is life with small children, I know, but it takes it's toll. They do not listen. They mock me. They are ornery, loud and funny.

And exhausting.

So during this transitioning of seasons; from winter into the next, I find myself wanting badly to feel the new of spring. The freshness of something in my spirit.
With the Lord, I feel growth and change. It's exciting and replenishing.
Yet inside of this home is a crash of spirit and flesh.
A mother at the brink of frustration everyday.
Children out of control.
And a blanket of snow to blame.

Fits, Tantrums, Crying, Yelling, Hitting, Throwing, Biting.
And a mom wanting to do all the same.
We're hanging in there...but it's rough.
Everyday it's rough.

So I'm clinging to the Father. Trying to lay in the arms of Love. Embracing sweet moments as needles in the haystack of frustration. We will pursue each day intently, as I had planned. We may fail along the way, but I am preparing for the love month.
I will be dedicated to love with purpose, intent and patience.
It is tough. My oh my, it is tough.
But it is worth it.
It is worth it.
It is worth it.

Are you struggling this winter? What activities do you try with your little ones to entertain them? How do you find time for yourself and what do you do during your escape?
Do tell

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