Thursday, September 2, 2010

I know that you know this, but let me just put it out there once again for you all to read.
Some days are just not pretty around here.
Some days are not fun or even remotely enjoyable.
I try desperately to find the joy in moments that otherwise suck the life out of me.
And I usually do. But I have to search long and hard.
Yesterday was one of those days.
I mean, sure the kids are cute. We can all see that. We all know it.
But it doesn't mean that they are well behaved, don't hit one another, scratch each other until blood is involved, wipe desitin all over each other, soak the bathroom floor with water, dump out a bag of shredded cheese on the carpet (mash it in real good so the sweeper can't even pick it up), climb up the entertainment center, let the dog out too many times to count (or chase), hit me, kick me, lick me, pull my hair, laugh at me when I try to discipline them, jump on the furniture, put objects in their mouths that I didn't even know we owned, brush their teeth with soap (just because they haven't done it yet doesn't mean they wont), pee on the floor, poop in their underwear, etc. etc. etc.

Some days I wake up irritable. Usually those days begin with the screeching sound of brother's voice. On those days it seems to be one thing after another that drains me of all energy.

Thankfully, there is a God who is bigger than feelings. A God that I trust can handle everything I feel and more; One who will get me through moments that otherwise feel helpless. I am so incredibly thankful to serve such an awesome God.

Because there are simply some days when the world is closing in. And yet, it never actually does. Because the Lord gives me moments in which I can stop, breathe, and listen to the innocence all around me. In those few moments that are so crucial, I can make the decision to continue on in my irritability (which I sometimes sadly do...) or I can be still, pray, and move on. Those are teachable moments for my children. And I am grateful to be sensitive enough to obey with urgency in that split second.

So after a long day, mom & I decided to go to a fitness expo in a local town.
I was excited for the break and to able to spend time with mom.
She has no idea how much I cherish these times with her.

Anyway, I thought I would get a well-deserved [[well-needed]] break, but lucky for me ...
...this little lady stayed awake the entire time...
It was a pretty neat night. Ali Vincent ( the first ever female winner of 'The Biggest Loser') was the guest speaker and I enjoyed it so much! It's great motivation to keep at this weight loss thing...
Anyway, after a long and exhausting day, I was thankful for the rain outside the windows. It was calming and cool. As I sat downstairs I could still hear Mabel crying as Daniel tried to calm her but her exhaustion had taken over. Mine had too. When I went up to bed, with all of my tired anxieties, I let them emerge. I had a good, long cry in the bathtub; something I'm not used to doing. Hormones have a funny way of reminding me that I'm not really in control. It was a sweet release.
As I cried in our bed, I felt my husband's hands cover my back as he began to pray with strong authority over my tailbone and over my spirit. I felt myself go calm.
I gave in and fell fast asleep. I didn't hear another noise until Mabel stirred at 4:45.

This morning, I feel renewed. The weather outside is cool, crisp and fresh--It feels promising for a great day ahead.

I hope that when you read my words here you understand that life is pretty normal for me too. I never want to paint an unrealistic picture of the chaos that happens in our home. It is what it is, and sometimes it just isn't pretty. However, I am finding joy in it each and every day. I never want to be that woman who looks back with regret and realizes that I took these hectic days for granted or got through them with only frustration. There is some of that-- but the love, laughter and joy overpowers those fleeting moments by a long shot.

So don't ever feel like you don't measure up.
Look at me and know that we are in the same boat. I am doing the best that I can--much like you. I'm just voicing it and I hope you see that it's ok.
Don't be ashamed of the way you are feeling; rather embrace it. These moments in which you are raising children, nurturing a marriage, preparing a home--these days are tough.
I pray that we can get through them with grace while building lasting friendships.
Will you write me? I'd love to hear about your day.
Mine? Mine was exhausting. Not pretty. And yet, I made it through yet again.
All by the grace of God.....





Quite literally.

1 comment:

It's not unusual to be loved by anyone said...

Oh Ramee..i think your feelings are pretty normal. I think when you're someone like Brangelina and you have five nannies around life is easy...but not when you're alone with three kids during the day.
But i also think those moments show you how strong you are and how much you can carry.