This is my motivation:
I was 108 pounds and I was at my smallest.
I was strong & healthy.
I felt confident and beautiful.
And I will once again.
Last night I told Daniel that I didn't feel beautiful anymore. It has reached that point in pregnancy when I'm just uncomfortable and miserable in my own skin. And quite honestly, I haven't even tried to make myself feel very beautiful.
It's too hard to shave.
It's far too exhausting to put on make-up.
It's too hot to run the hair dryer most days.
And regular clothes are too tight, so I'm usually in a moo-moo type dress.
It's not very attractive no matter how you slice it.
....so Daniel said to me,
"Write about that on your blog! Write about how Mabel is making you feel ugly."
Which is not what I said.
He's such a man. He so doesn't get it.
The woman above worked so hard to look and feel the way she wanted.
That woman loved the control she had over her body.
I have told my husband and my closest friends many times in the last couple of months how I long for that control once again. Because here's the fact...
Even if I ate exactly how I was eating during that time of my life, this child still ultimately has control of my body right now. It's still going to grow and change the way the Lord intends for it to. I'm ok with that, because I obviously want a healthy baby. That always comes before any other desire of my heart. And the desire of my heart is not necessarily to be 108 pounds again after I have Mabel, but my desire is to feel healthy, strong and in control of this body.
I dyed my hair again last night.
Even though so many of you loved the blond. But again, it seems to be the only thing about myself I can control right now. And although I didn't dye my hair when I was pregnant with Nora or Braden, my hormones during this pregnancy are causing me to be impulsive much like I am when I experience PMS while not pregnant.
Don't you remember? I change hair colors like I change underwear.
So in a few short weeks I will give birth to this beautiful baby girl and I will start on a familiar journey once more. A journey not towards beauty; but towards strength, focus, determination, confidence, clarity and control. You will all be on that journey with me once again and I pray that through this transition time you will support me just as you did once before.
You are such a source of inspiration for me and I appreciate you! Remember I am adamant that taking care of our bodies goes hand in hand with taking care of our spiritual selves. God longs for us to desire to be healthy.
And that is my desire as well.
To be healthy and to please the Lord.
As I'm growing this child inside of me now I feel incredibly strong, and healthy. I also know that I am pleasing the Lord. So putting my desire to feel beautiful aside, my focus remains where it should be. I am focused on making sure this child is safe and growing.
After all, she is so worth it!