I have said it from the time he was born, but the Lord spoke greatly to me about it last night once again. Braden has helped grow my relationship with the Lord. Because of him, in more ways than one, I 'purposed' to spend time with God. When he was an infant, I would have very little time to breathe, let alone pray. But the Lord meets us where we are, and it is a beautiful thing. I learned that if I 'purpose' to seek God, and I mean truly seek Him for my children, He will give me what I need in that moment and even in the future. I'm not sure that I have ever written about it but when Braden was just a small baby I felt this overwhelming fear that he would not live to be very old. Not that he would die as a child, just that he would not live a long life. It was scary and overtook much of my thinking. I mentioned it to my mom at one point, even though I felt crazy. She reassured me that some of that was normal just being a mother. I didn't want to settle having this overbearing fear ruling my spirit and ultimately my days with my son. I 'purposed' to pray for Braden in new ways and for myself as well. I no longer feel those same feelings. I have an incredible peace about Braden's life and know that he will do remarkable things no matter how long he lives. I know he will serve God and be a wonderful lover of His word. I 'purpose' to pray these things over him every single day, without fail. And in the moments when he is extremely ornery, I 'purpose' to love him still.
So you see, I believe I understand it all a little more clear and I'm hoping that you are beginning to as well. Loving God should come naturally to us, but it just doesn't. The Bible explains to us that our flesh and spirit are in a battle. So if you struggle to find the desire to pray, read your Bible, and spend time with God, you are not alone and you are not wrong. It is, sadly, human and fleshly nature that causes us to feel this way. I have to 'purpose' to love God. By saying this I mean: I have to wake up and commit myself to Him that day. Every day. I have to make a decision to find the time to spend with Him. Every day. It's just as if you have to make the decision to love yourself or your husband every single day. I would love to say that those things come naturally to us, but sometimes it is just not that easy...and you know it.
The Lord woke me up last night and spoke to me about these things.* I feel as if my words are not adequate enough to explain the greatness of what I'm trying to say and what He is ultimately trying to reveal, but I knew that I needed to reassure some of you today. You are no less of a God-lover just because you have to make a little more effort to be. You are no less of a Christian, just because you struggle with prayer. The Lord knows your heart, the desires of it, and He knows your efforts. Of course, He wants to spend time with you. He wants to open you up and pour into you remarkable things! But He is patient and gentle and loving. And He will wait for you.
*I will write about this and explain it a little more in a post to come. I'm sure you have questions, but I am sure I can provide great answers!
God, after all, purposes to love us daily as well. It cannot come naturally to Him. He is God and we are human. He created us, yes. But we are wicked and He is nothing of the sort. He is pure and we are the furthest from it. But again, the Bible speaks of how He sent His son for us while we were yet (still) sinners. And that is incredible. He 'purposed' to love us, even then. And He still does today.
So will you purpose to love Him?
How can you do that?
I have some ideas I will share with you in a post very soon! In the meantime, I'd love to hear your ideas and thoughts. ♥