I wake up. I tip-toe out of the room because Nora is curled up under the covers of a warm palette next to our bed. She came in halfway through the night and neither of us knew it. She does it every night. I am stiff. I manage to make it to the coffee pot and make a cup of my drug of choice. I hustle to the bathroom to release the beast, otherwise known as Heidi, before she begins scratching at the door--resulting in the waking of babies. She flies from the bathroom across our entire house, making her way to the mudroom where she chooses which door she wants to exit to relieve herself. It's usually the garage door. We see eye to eye on at least one thing in our relationship. Neither of us like the other very much. Therefore, I've given up the fight and I usually allow her to go into the garage. It's cold out, after all.
I put a pop tart in the toaster and slowly make my way up our narrow stairs to get the boy. Chocolate milk. Whining. Chocolate milk. Crying. This will continue for the duration of our day. Shortly after I get settled to eat my quickie breakfast, Nora wakes up. She demands chocolate milk from my bed, where she is perched for the next hour watching cartoons. All the while, Braden is eating anything and everything that he can to sustain the urge he has to constantly make noises with his mouth. I eventually get around to eating my pop tart. At this time, I try to check my email, facebook and blogs. I get interrupted 342 times by kids and at least 23 times by Heidi scratching at the door. I give up all attempts until nap time.
Heidi races in the house followed by at least one redhead, but usually two. One pulls her tail, the other chases her, causing her to bark, growl and yelp. The kids do those things as well. When Nora comes downstairs everything usually goes downhill. We've only been up an hour and things are already downhill. Soon we will hit the bottom of that hill when one child bites another and lands him or herself in the corner, usually crying "I want my daddddyyyy." Great. I want him too. Both kids are fighting back against their attacker at this point so we not only have biting, but hitting, kicking, screaming, yelling, crying and madness. Utter madness.
Laundry. Dishes. Folding. Changing. Playing. More laundry. More dishes.
Eventually we fix lunch. We fight for 30 minutes about who sits where and that they need to stay sitting there. After a little bit of picking at their food, they eat. I might do the same. If I have a minute to do so in between clean-up and referee. After lunch is nap time.
When I hear the sudden noise of a creaky crib, I start the whole morning over, only it's a later time on the clock. I basically live 2 days in one. It's all the same.
And there are days when I stomp my feet, yell, cry, pull my hair and yell "Jesus, help me Lord" more than usual. There are days when I'm standing over the sink listening to the noise and arguing in my background and I simply wonder "Is this my life? Is this for real? Is this a joke?" I can't help in the most overwhelming moment to wonder if it's all worth it....
...but then there are moments when we turn the worship music up as loud as it can go in our kitchen and I see two of the most beautiful children of God dance and raise their hands in worship to Him. And I know it is....
....there are times when we are sitting in the playroom, all is quiet, and they listen to the things I am teaching them. I know they hear me because they run in to sing "Wheels on the bus" to their daddy, and they do it correctly. And I know it is...
...there are times when they lay their heads on my shoulder and simply say "I need you mom." "I want you, mommy." "you're my best friend, mom." ...And I know it is.
...there are moments when their dad looks at me and I know he adores me--still. I can tell by the way he watches me, glances at me, and tells me. And I know it's worth it.
Through the exhaustion, frustration and noise. Through the discipline, arguing and chaos. Through the days that seem so long and moments to myself that are too few.
I have always known in my spirit and will always feel...
It is all, always worth it.