Do you know that most days I feel extremely exhausted, aggravated and frustrated? Do you also know that most days I feel unbelievably guilty for feeling that way? I feel guilty because I look at these two little faces and watch them dance, talk, sing, cry, laugh, tickle, hide, and play and I know that they are only this little for RIGHT NOW. There is no other time for me to enjoy this age except for right now. So to feel so overwhelmed makes me feel guilty and terrible. I hate going to bed and reliving the day, knowing that I raised my voice or they could sense my anger. I want to live up to everything I have always desired out of motherhood. I am trying, just like other mom's of young children, but is that enough? Is trying enough of an excuse for the frustration that I often feel? I dont know but what I do know is that we can all find hope in the fact that, again, the Lord is our strength and fortress. He will give me patience when I feel none, and He will revive my love to make it overpower the distinct exhaustion I often feel. He will do it. I dont have to. Thank you, Lord. You are good and I love you.
Speaking of the kids only being young once, I wanted to tell you some of the things that I find most exhilarating about their ages right now! Braden is 15 months old. He is just now (as of 9 days ago) sleeping completely through the night. He take a bottle for nap time and bedtime. He walks on his tip toes and dances like a crazy man. He also is quite aggressive with his voice and new found words. He laughs at himself and loves his sister more than anything. Well, except for maybe food. He loves that a whole lot. The kid can eat! He will run as fast as his short, stubby legs can take him just to get to me for a quick squeeze and then he's back on his way. He cant climb up on the couches yet and his absolute favorite thing in the world is a caramel apple empenata from Taco Bell. Yum Yum Yum!!! Braden is my buddy. He's a momma's boy and loves to be held and I eat it up. He makes me laugh and sometimes cry. He's still demanding but is so enjoyable now that I can almost forget how hard the past year has been. This baby boy is a gift from God like none I have ever received. I cherish him every single day because there is something so unique about his spirit. He is going to be a great man of God! I am so thankful for this little boy in our lives. He is my little fancy pants and I cannot tell you enough how much joy he brings to my life!
Nora is one month short of officially being 2 1/2 years old. She is not potty trained, although we are trying. She's kinda lazy. One day she'll tell me she's a big girl and wants to wear big girl undies and the next day when I tell her to get rid of her binky, she says "No! I'm a baby, mom." Ok? haha. She sings allllll of the time and has a beautiful voice. She can count to 6 (further probably but gets lazy and stops.) She is the pickiest eater of my life and most days I am in tears just because she hasnt eaten enough to survive, it seems. She blames everything on her brother! She can fully dress herself, including socks, shoes, and zipping her coat on most days. She loves to go to the Y and play with the other kids and she still loves to be outside. She enjoys reading and watching Veggie Tales. She says the funniest things ever and still picks her little fingers when she is tired, or even nervous. She lights up my life just as much now as she did the first moment I knew I was having her. She is so very special to me and I cant explain the love I have for this little girl!
I am just astounded at my blessings! God is truly an awesome, sensational God. He loves and cares for us so much and I can see His hand upon my family day after day after day. I feel His presence even when I feel distant and with everything I have, I will continue to bring glory to His name. He is beyond worthy!!!
Here are a few pictures from the past week. I know it's been awhile. Enjoy!!!
...I took it out and she just laughed and wouldnt talk after that...
I had mentioned that I grew my nails out, but for those of you who live far away who needed proof to believe such a remarkable statement, here they are! Yay for me!