Today has been like a nightmare. Sometimes I wish that we could just keep sleeping through a day like today. I'm not even sure that the kids are acting any different than normal...it only feels and seems that way. Everything that Braden has done today has been over the top. I'm so overwhelmed and exhausted. Nora just keeps crying and whining and I just cant take them today.
I think I need to write out a few things that will make me feel better. For instance, Nora hugged me this morning and said "I miss you mom." Sweetest thing ever...by far. And just last week when Braden woke up early in the morning, I brought him to bed with me (something I never do because he wont lay still...) He was drinking a bottle and being so loving. A train whistle blew a few blocks away and he slowly took the bottle out of his mouth, looked up at me and said "whats that?" I teared up and said it's a train buddy. He popped his bottle back in and back to cuddlin we went. I prayed and asked God to never let me forget that exact moment. He is so innocent and sweet and he's learning so much. I dont want to forget those things.
The kids are wonderful and I truly cant complain. I just get tired. The time change has thrown us all off, they have massive snotty noses and are both running fevers. But on top of all of that they just seem to want to do things that I feel they know are going to bother me. Some days I truly feel like they are doing things to spite me and I know that is unrealistic since they are babies... I just cant help but feel that way. Like today, Braden got told to stay out of the garbage can like 7 times. When I finally physically picked him up to move him away, he throws his entire body on the floor and screams bloody murder. Then, he stands up and starts getting in the kitchen cabinets not even 10 seconds later...the whole time just looking at me. After about a dozen other instances just like that he finally comes to sit next to me on the couch and what does he do? Burps, hangs his mouth open and pukes all over my couch. ALL OVER IT. Why? Because he stuffed his fat belly with m&m's and toast and more toast and milk and juice this morning. Not because I gave all of that to him but because he steals Nora's breakfast after eating his own and then finds a way to get to the candy and slugs down a big ol' cup of Nora's drink that he's not even supposed to have since he just finished a FULL bottle of milk. UGH!
And on days like today Nora cant just sit back and not join in on the fun. She has to constantly find a reason to cry. Any other day if Braden takes a toy to play with it, she'll let it slide because she's watching cartoons. Today...no, no, no. She HAS to FREAK out and go ballistic over the fact that he even looks at her. And if I tell her No over something, she immediately takes it out on him. She'll search the whole house until she finds him and then hit, kick, or squeeze him out of anger. So when I decided to go for a walk to cool down and get them out of the house, do you think that went any better on a day like today? No way. Of course it couldnt. I feel like I just yelled at her the entire 4 miles. She pushes Braden's head back if he's leaning up and she hits him if he even looks her way. She pulls his hair for no reason and flicks his face just to laugh. Which in turn makes that big ol baby of a baby cry as well. So...thats only about 1/10th of the excitement from today and it's only 1 pm. Do you catch my drift of aggravation??
More often than not, a day like today will come and go and I'll just thank God I got through it. Today, I feel so completely alone and tired and just blah.
Daniel has said "sorry you're having a bad day, babe" like 1000 times. He means well. I asked him if I could go to Yoga tonight to have an hour away. Of course he said yes. And I would have gone anyway had he have said no. haha. I just feel like I cant do this today. I know I'm not alone. I know there are other moms that MUST feel this way from time to time?! Please, let there be. haha.
I know that they may wake up from their naps and I may feel completely different. But at this moment lets all just thank the Lord that they are sleeping. I'm going to go do the same. ;)
Hope you're all having an ok day. I'm always praying for you as I know you're doing for me. I appreciate it so much and know that I couldnt do any of this without you. You're so loved!